End Individualism; Be Together

Your Brain and Your Spirit Needs It

At the beginning of his seminal book, The Body Keeps the Score, Bessel van der Kolk says, “we hardly exist as individuals.” His book goes on to describe this in incredible detail. Those who suffer horrifying trauma—whether childhood sex abuse, or war zones (and survivor’s guilt)—find healing in community. Singing together, clapping together, and downward-dogging together all contribute, almost magically, to bodily—and ergo mental—healing.

In his recent popular release entitled, Us: Getting past You & Me to Build a More Loving Relationship, Terrence Real goes to great lengths to undo the popular myth that a happy marriage is one in which the individual finds their needs met. Rather, he says, happy marriages are about denying oneself. The recipe for a content, wholesome marriage is mutual self-denial. Self-denial begets a togetherness that turns every potential “me” into a necessary and healthy “us.” Indeed, the only healthy existence for any human is in the “us.” He details recent research that shows that our brains are actually regulated merely by being in a room with another person. Strangers in a coffee shop are giving each other mental health without ever interacting. And, he suggests, how much more does this mean for people who live together?

As far as I know, neither van der Kolk nor Real are Christians. And both of them, in their own disciplines, have blown the whistle on the myth of individualism. Individualism has been trumpeted as human freedom. “Find yourself.” “Be yourself.” “Leave your home town where everyone knows each other. Find out who you truly are in the big city where no one knows you, and you’re beholden to no one!” We’re all familiar with these cinematic tropes, aren't we? It’s the romance of the unfettered, self-sufficient, trail-blazing hero (from Robinson Crusoe to Emily in Paris). And I think we believe it. But it’s a lie, and in fact an extremely detrimental lie.

Being a Christian is so much more than having mental health. But I ask you, beloved reader, if we can’t have basic mental health without the company of others, how much more must this be true of being a Christian?

I’ve preached it over and over again: You can’t be a Christian by yourself. My good friend Matthew Burdette recently said it in a slightly differently way that really arrested me: “You can’t preach the gospel to yourself.” In other words, the gospel, just in the mere action of it being preached, unmasks the myth of individualism for what it is. To be a Christian is to be part of the church. And you can’t be a part of the church unless you’re a part of the church—by which I mean, you need to attend the local church.

You can’t be a Christian by yourself.

In 1 Corinthians 6, Paul is upset with the church for tolerating certain members frequenting prostitutes. He says, “Do you not know your body is the Temple of the Holy Spirit?” The “you” and “your” of the verse are plural. Paul is not saying that the individual’s body is a temple of the Holy Spirit. He’s saying that the church, as a corporate body, is the Temple of the Holy Spirit. Were I from Texas, I might translate the verse as, “Don’t y’all know that y’all’s body is the Temple of the Holy Spirit?”

The truly arresting thing about what Paul says is that for an individual to have sex with a prostitute is for that individual to involve the whole church body in the fornicating act. Only one member is entering the prostitute, but the whole body is there in the pagan temple’s chaise longue.

But, again, if it is true in the negative sense, how much more must it be true in a positive sense. If fornication is a curse on the whole church, the faithful marriage bed is a blessing—a regulatory union that can promote the health of the whole church.

This can be and is true because we don’t exist as individuals. In marriage, in the church, and in the world. We need to stop acting like we do. As Christians, we are the Temple of the Holy Spirit, which means we participate in the life of God just by being together.

Of course, there are those true and unfortunate stories of churches that have promoted innumerable ailments and diseases amongst its members. But the reality of church failure and the pain that many of us have felt when the church community goes awry is a separate issue from the simple claim that you can’t be a Christian by yourself.

So, go be preached to. Sit next to someone in the pew, and let them regulate your brain, your heart, your spirit, your virtue—especially your hope in Christ.

For my part, I’m so grateful for those with mental health problems who have sat next to me in church while we’ve clapped our hands and joined our voices in the unity of the Holy Spirit. They are broken healers—healing my brain, my heart, my soul. I hope and pray I’ve done the same for them.

If you’re isolated, alone, and depressed, one of the most difficult things to do is to go out and be with people. But it might be the only thing that’ll help.

And I recommend being with people in church as a starting place.

---

If this was helpful, like and share it 👇