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Heather Weber (Dear Exiles)'s avatar

Mmmm, friend. I have some thoughts to share here. Unrelated to abortion and pro-life debate, though, and more along the lines of desire for baby/family. I am with you on critiquing the "market" for babies where it does injustice to any human being or creates ethical quandaries. Also, I know enough about systems in other countries where babies are stolen and put up for adoption for a monetary benefit. I also understand the injustice of being so poor (in America or elsewhere) that one doesn't feel they have the option to raise their own child.

But, I do want to say that as a woman who experienced infertility for a long time and went through many losses, and on behalf of the women I know who experience similar things (I dare speak for them), wanting a baby was never on the level of wanting a cute accessory or a lavender latte. Wanting a baby was not a consumer desire driven by market values. It was a desire, I would argue, that is deeply human, perhaps as human as any desire can be, and in line with God's commission of humanity to be fruitful and multiply. To have those profound desires frustrated or confounded by loss is to be reminded, again, that we live in a broken world where even the things for which we believe we are made by design may never happen. As human beings we are created to love and to be in loving community, and creating family (adoptive or biological) is one way we go about it.

It *is* shameful for children to be put up for adoption due to poverty and/or deceit. Shame on the world's systems and the evils that make this the case! It *is* tragic that any child must be separated from their biological parents. These circumstances are a reminder, again, that we live in a broken world where biological family, the thing for which we are literally made, cannot be realized.

But I don't believe it can be shameful for a human being to offer a hospitality to a stranger, nor shameful to empty oneself of nearly all resources (not just monetary) for the sake of welcoming a stranger into a family. It may not be the first good for that child, but I'd say it's a redemptive good in a broken world. And it might be one of the most Christlike things any one of us could ever do.

I think some of what I wrote here was implied in your piece, but I wanted to say it louder because I think these nuances merit more volume. ;-)

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Douglas Olena's avatar

One of the refugee women our family is involved with was sent home with a drug that would force her body to expel her dead fetus, and instead of doing a D&C as was normal procedure, she was found on the kitchen floor in a pool of blood, requiring emergency procedures. It was a doctor who determined the baby was dead, but she was left on her own to manage the consequences.

Thanks for asking, and if you are not aware, stories like this are all over the news. Doctors in states like Missouri are afraid to do any operation on a woman that could be construed by lawmakers as an abortion, even when every evidence shows that the baby is either dead or will not survive birth because of defects.

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