Why I Don't Believe in Sexual Identity

I'm Not Heterosexual, And Neither Are You

In my last post, I asked for nuance in all things related to human sexuality and Christianity. I had conversations with some of you (both in the comments section and via email), and it became obvious that I needed to be more clear about what I really believe about human sexuality at a really basic level. So that’s what I am going to do in this post. I’ll begin by saying it as baldly as I can, then I’ll unpack it.

So here it goes:

I don’t believe in sexual identity. I’m not heterosexual. You’re not gay. No one is heterosexual. No one is gay—or lesbian, or bi, etc.

The first way I want to get at this is by talking about the incredibly broad usage of the state-of-being verb in the English language. The English state-of-being verb, “to be,” can be used for anything from a passing desire to a statement about what something actually is at a fundamental, definitional, irreducible, inviolable level. When I say, “you are human,” I am saying that ontologically, that is in fact what you are. It cannot be changed, and it’s the basis of your dignity. The state-of-being verb “are” is the only way we can communicate this deep yet utterly simple reality.

But we also use the sate-of-being verb to refer to fleeting desires or emotions that don’t signify what we in fact are at an irreducible level. For example, we can say “I’m hungry,” or “I’m sad.” In so doing, we are using the state-of-being verb “am,” but we all know that to be hungry or sad is not the same thing as to be human. They’re definitely related to being human because they’re human sensations (though not strictly so). But to be human is the be a being, not a sensation.

This incredibly broad usage of the state-of-being verb is how we get the dad joke many of us heard growing up. I say to my father in a discontent voice, “I’m hungry.” And to troll me, he says, “Hi, Hungry, I’m Dad.”

Human sexual desire is a matter of sensation, not being. I think sexuality is more like "I’m hungry,” than it is like “I’m human.” “Human” is an identity. “Heterosexual” or “gay” or “vegan” or “carnivore” are not identities.

So don’t call me heterosexual because I’m not one—at least in the contemporary usage of the term. I experience heterosexual attraction, but that’s not what I am. This is the case not only because I don’t believe in sexual identity, but also because heterosexual attraction in and of itself is not without moral questions and negotiations, especially for me as a Christian.

The second way I want to get at this is by talking about cultural constructs. By “cultural construct” I mean what we all know to be true about gender roles in society: they’re cultural, not ontological. There’s nothing biological that demands that women be the primary cooks in the house. Just like there is nothing that demands that only men dig ditches for fiberoptic cable. Yet, culturally, western society has historically assigned these gendered roles to men and women. Feminism is a multifaceted movement, but one thing it has done is to enlighten us to this simple fact. There isn’t much men can do that women can’t. And there isn’t much women can do that men can’t. The differences are biological (e.g. giving birth). To be fair, we can see how some cultural constructs are somewhat related to biology (if women needed to breast feed before the existence of formula, it makes sense that they would find themselves preparing meals for the whole family since they were tied to the home). But that doesn’t change the fact that they’re cultural constructs.

In a similar way, sexual identity is a cultural construct. The way we conceive of sexuality as an identity is purely a result of our cultural moment. For some reason we have told people that what they feel sexually is what they are sexually. I acknowledge and readily accept that people experience same-sex attraction, and that it is very deeply felt. But it is a total non-sequitur to me that this means that attraction is an identity. As with gender, the cultural construct of sexual identity has become a way for us to categorize and group ourselves into particular roles. But those roles have no perceivable link to anything biological like gender roles might. And that means they are even more so cultural constructs than gender roles are.

Finally, I want to get at my point by pretending that I concede that we have sexual identity. If I were to say that humans in fact do have sexual identities, then I would say simply that all humans have a queer identity. By “queer” I mean a sexual identity that is not limited to an attraction to a particular gender, that isn’t static, that is changeable and open to change, and that is fundamentally a catch-all category of sexual desire.

We humans aren’t victims of our sexual desires. We can and in fact do form ourselves. We can be and are formed by our communities. We can and do change what we are attracted to throughout out lives. We can explore, acquire tastes, and find aversion to that which we used to enjoy.

So if you’re gonna call me anything, call me queer. But keep in mind it’s not my identity.

That brings me back to my issues with calling myself a heterosexual as if that is without inherent moral problems. From a Christian perspective, it is not good that I am attracted to women in the plural. In fact, it’s a real problem. That’s why one of the ten commandments is, “thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife.” Whatever desires you or I feel, as Christians we are called to chastity in the context of the covenant of marriage. We are supposed to put to death the desires in our bodies that would invite us to break our oath, “til death do us part.” Or you can be single.

The critique of identity I have offered here is about sexuality. But the implications are much farther reaching. Pastorally, I call my congregants to make their baptisms in Christ their primary and formative identity. Before we say anything else about ourselves, I believe Christians are called to say just that: “I am a Christian.” “I am a Christian” is an even truer claim than “I am human,” because my Christian identity tells me what it means to be human.

To be a Christian is to relativize and deprecate all other claims about ourselves. I may be an American white male who has an Iowan driver’s license. I may have European ancestry and vote along this or that political party line. But none of that is what I am. Indeed, I count all of it as rubbish for the sake of knowing Jesus Christ my Lord and the power of his resurrection.